We’re BACK to our “Women in the Trenches” series this week with Erin Grayson. Erin is a new friend whom I met here in Bahrain. A fellow Navy wife. A God-seeker. A deep thinker. A kind soul.
I connected with Erin immediately, and I invited her to participate in our interview series because I wanted you to hear from this woman whose life has taken her all over the world and now . . . to seminary. Very interesting.
Erin has a very thoughtful blog called “Notes from the Road” that you’re sure to love. One of her recent posts reflects on time she spent in France, her passion for the French language, and soaking up life overseas. It’s a beauty.
Here’s Erin . . .
Age? How long have you been married? Names of children and ages? Where do you live? What’s great about where you live? I’m in my late thirties and have been married for almost fifteen years, which is sometimes hard for me to believe. My husband Tony and I currently live in Bahrain with our three lovely children: Aiden, age12; Corinne, age 9; and Caleb, age 6. We’ve lived in Bahrain for the past eighteen months, and are in the throes of moving yet again, this time back to the States. Our experience in Bahrain has been richer than we ever expected it to be and we will leave this place better people than when we arrived. With that said, we’re all looking forward to a fresh start in Connecticut.
What is your job and why were you drawn to that particular field? Besides being a mother and a wife, I spend my time teaching (mostly French and Sunday School), writing (mostly blogging), and studying (mostly theology).
You’ll be continuing your education at Yale in the fall. What degree are you pursuing? What do you hope to do after school? What are you most excited about? What are you most scared about? Near the end of August, I will continue working on my Master’s of Divinity (MDiv), which is also called “seminary.” I’ll be working with my church (Presbyterian Church USA) to become an ordained minister near the completion of my academic studies at Yale.
To be honest, I don’t yet have a plan for what I will do after I finish my MDiv. I’m drawn to teaching and writing, so often I find myself daydreaming about continuing in academia, working toward a Ph.D., but I’m open to other ways to serve. I’m hopeful that the path will become clear as I continue the journey—it’s on the horizon, I’m just not there yet.
I’m both excited AND scared about that whole process. Just looking at the course catalog sends shivers of excitement down my spine, but sometimes I wonder if it’s just my nervous energy that’s making me shudder. If I let myself, I can spend a ridiculous amount of time worrying about how the details will fall into place.
Tell us about pursuing your own career in the midst of your husband’s very demanding career. How have you two navigated this, especially with children? It’s funny because when Tony and I got married, we were so young and idealistic, that we didn’t put much thought into how our lives might practically look in the future. We were in love, and at the time, that’s all that mattered–the details would surely work themselves out. Right?
Wrong. While there are certainly advantages to relinquishing control of every detail of life, there are an equal amount of advantages to clarifying expectations. I fully supported Tony’s career ambitions, but I never realized that by doing so, in some ways I had to sacrifice my own. His career required him to move every couple of years, but in order to build mine I needed to stay in one place long enough to establish a reputation. I never expected that our ambitions would conflict rather than complement.
It was difficult because in a sense we had to choose between whether he should continue on his career path or whether I should continue mine, but we probably couldn’t do both without some major adjusting and maybe even living in different places. We kind of ended up where we started and that was that we loved each other too much to separate for the sake of our careers.
We knew we wanted a family and practically speaking, Tony’s income was enough to provide, so we agreed that I would put my career on hold to stay home and raise our children. I’ve never regretted that decision for a moment and although it seems like a “traditional” arrangement, it was born out of love and respect (for each other and our children) not in deference to any social norms or religious expectations.
I won’t claim that we always get it right or that I don’t have to remind him (or him me) that this is teamwork. Now that our children are school-aged, I will cultivate my career. Tony has been the biggest supporter of my endeavors and has been fair and flexible, just as I hope I’ve been with him. It will be hard, but if we start at a place of mutual respect (and are clear about our expectations), I’m confident that it can work.
How do you find time to make it all happen? What do you let slide? What do you focus on? I recently wrote a blog post about the benefits of “multi-tasking,” but I wasn’t advocating the definition we usually associate with that term. Instead, I was talking about how I can integrate my tasks, rather than compartmentalize them.
So, for example, if I have a paper to write, why interrupt the conversation I’m having with my child when it could be the inspiration? Letting “tasks” overlap is key, and a good reminder that life is interconnected. It would be nearly impossible to find the time to tackle everything independently anyway–something or someone would always lose out.
Of course it won’t always work out so neatly, so to me it’s all about striving for balance, being kind to myself when I fail, and not being afraid to say“I’m sorry, I don’t always get it right.” I make an effort to manage my time wisely, but I’ve made a pact with myself that human relationships take priority. I will always choose my family first over anything else and not feel guilty about it.
That means that sometimes you may find mountains of laundry in my washroom or occasionally see my candle burning during the wee hours of the night as I catch up on my reading. So far, I haven’t met the elusive “she-who-has-it-all-together” to ask for advice. I’m beginning to think that maybe she’s an urban myth…
Navy life is one transition after another. How do you survive the transitions? How do you help your kids survive? I’ll be honest, sometimes I complain (loudly) about living such a transient life. There are times when I just don’t feel like packing up and moving on, but what I’ve learned is that I’ll always be pleasantly surprised by the new place, even if I sorely miss the last one.
Moving frequently offers me fresh perspective and inspiration—not to mention a chance to meet new friends. I aim to instill that line of thinking in my children, but I try to allow space for the not-so-glamourous aspects of moving too. Sometimes it stinks to be the new person, to feel like an outsider, to muster the energy to carve out a new life, to miss the security of my old one.
If I can somehow manage to find a comfortable middle place—one that celebrates “what is” and laments “what was”—then I’ve achieved a healthy balance. Faith allows me to keep moving forward in hope of “what can be.” To be honest, that’s what sustains me in the midst of transition.
What fills you up or inspires you? I’m a romantic at heart; beauty in all its forms inspires me in one way or another. A good book, a cup of tea, a stirring piece of music, a simple haiku, a long soak in a warm bath, a funny quote, a quiet walk in the woods, a story of incredible kindness…
Where do you find God? Sounds cliche, but I find God in creation–in the people who inspire me, in the awesome and terrifying beauty of nature. Sacred spaces aren’t just the ones that we designate as such–they can be grand cathedrals or a little patch of earth on our rooftop garden. God is anywhere and everywhere that I feel hope.
What is one product or item you use all the time that you love and think everyone should know about? Ok, don’t laugh, but I happen to think that everyone should own Mr Clean Erasers. They really work like magic when it comes to removing crayon drawings on walls and floors and they even make a good nail buffer in a pinch! 😉
What is your favorite book and why? I’m an avid reader, so this is such a hard question for me to answer because I can’t commit to just one, single favorite. I have several for different reasons. Overall though, if I had to pick one book that had an impact me at a young age and whose message has stuck with me all of these years, I would say “The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie.” It taught me that it’s ok to be a critical thinker, to question convention, to challenge the status quo, but that swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction is just as dangerous as accepting things at face value. It also taught me never to look for perfection in humanity because it doesn’t exist.
What is your one wardrobe staple? A string of pearls. They’re very versatile–dressed up, they’re classy; but with a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, they’re sassy. They’re simple, natural, and make me feel like a million bucks without trying too hard!
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Thank you, Erin!
What is one thought that stands out to you from Erin’s interview?
