Second-guessing is sideways energy, and I’m so guilty of letting too many sweet moments in my life get overshadowed by my fitful rethinking.
Second-guessing the new baseboards.
Second-guessing my parenting.
Second-guessing the way I’m spending my time.
Second-guessing the paint choice.
Second-guessing the workshop I’m leading.
Second-guessing what I said in that conversation yesterday.
Second-guessing my ideas.
Second-guessing my instincts.
Second-guessing my worthiness as a creative person.
Second-guessing my place.
Second-guessing God’s love for me.
How much time do we spend second-guessing? I’m not talking about thinking through a decision or re-evaluating a plan. Often life requires new considerations, changes in direction, even complete overhauls sometimes.
What I’m talking about is a cycle of restless thinking that never seems to resolve. The endlessness of it just holds on to us and keeps us stuck.
Intertwined in this second-guessing is anxiousness, a force that can be so so so difficult to harness.
“Hey Leeana, maybe we should wait to catastrophize until there’s actually a problem” a friend says to me recently. Hmmmmmmm. Super good point.
Are you spinning, spinning, spinning your wheels, second-guessing with a nervous persistence? Are you letting the best moments of your day become overshadowed by endless rehashing. Are you letting your creative mind get locked up because of nonstop rehearsing? Are you missing tender moments with those you love because your mind is perpetually rethinking? If so, here are some words for you to meditate on:
What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. Matthew 6:31-34, The Message
Here is the line for me in that passage: DON’T WORRY ABOUT MISSING OUT.
Much of my restless second-guessing can be boiled down to my fear of missing the train. You know, the “my life train” that I feel might just be pulling out of the station without me on it because I’m back here, moving very slowly, carrying my three kids. I can’t catch the train with all of them in tow. And so, there are days, where I have to let the train leave the station and just believe that my choosing to stay back with them will matter. This little engine that could, way back here, is what matters.
I can’t move very fast these days, and that’s a liability in my line of work. But I’m COMMITTED to living in the tensions of my life. I’m so grateful today that God is whispering to me, “Don’t worry about missing out.”
Yes. And thank you, God.
So if you are rife with second-guessing—if you are swirling, swirling, swirling—and all the rehashing and rehearsing and rethinking have you in their grip, spend some time with Matthew 6 this weekend and let the peace of Christ RULE. As Matthew says (with a little paraphrasing from the one-and-only Eugene Peterson), “God will help you deal.”